You were right. It hurts to walk today.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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