Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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