I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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