sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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