If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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