and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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