Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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