dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I want her autograph on my taint
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
