Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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