Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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