I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
splinters make it hard to masturbate
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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