She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
