We won't sleep together?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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