I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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