She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I don't deserve a penis
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
They have beer where we have blood.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
