whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
