oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
