i jhust puked up my retainher.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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