so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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