dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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