Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
