I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
