The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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