"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Never underestimate the power of titties
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