Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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