it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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