Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
