What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
