just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
