She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
