i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
