Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
