I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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