i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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