So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
