I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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