i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
