i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
