Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
