I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
