like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
