FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
