So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
