:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
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No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
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I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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