The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
