He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
