I am in a vortex of obligation.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
