I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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