I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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