This is not my ceiling
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
