words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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