he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He felt like a one man threesome
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
