Got a toothbrush?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
