I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
