all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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