overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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