i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
