The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
