I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
