Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
