What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
