i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
