every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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