I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
