I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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