After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
