OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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