no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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