The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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