just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
