im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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