oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I got inside last night via doggy door
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
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