when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
